Another valuable life skill that school didn’t teach me but tumblr did!
The adventures of Lady Who Is Also a Knight and Willowy Poet Boyfriend! I like to think that they just play dumb medieval pranks on each other all the time. Willowy Poet Boyfriend usually does not grasp that she is pranking him until it is too late. He tries to get back at her by composing a catchy lay about how obsessed she is with pegging, and then realizes what he has done only when people start to look at him funny on the street. Willowy Poet Boyfriend is not the master of pranks.
Will Lady Who Is Also a Knight win her jousting match? Will I ever escape from relying on anachronisms for humor value? Will these adventures actually continue? Does reversing an established binary qualify as true transgression? The questions are endless! TUNE IN NEXT TIME (IF THERE IS A NEXT TIME) FOR MORE QUESTIONS AND NO ANSWERS
Or will fixing still do you any good?
1. When a boy who leaves goosebumps on every inch of your skin tries to play you his favorite song, don’t let him. He’ll get it stuck in your head and under your fingertips and when he leaves, you won’t be able to listen to it without feeling like you’re choking.
2. Don’t let him touch you all over no matter how much you want to feel him against you. Leave a few spots untouched so that when you’re sleeping alone again, at least your left wrist and an inch of your right hip won’t sting with the remaining burn of his mouth.
3. Don’t let him break your ribs.
4. Don’t watch the sunset with him. He’ll poison it. You won’t be able to look at the sky without swallowing a mouthful of him.
5. Don’t mistake wasps for butterflies. Sometimes when you feel your stomach flutter and your hands start to shake it’s pain, not love.
6. Just because he tells you he loves you doesn’t mean he’s going to stay.
7. It’s okay to delete his number after he kisses the pretty girl he met when he was drunk. It’s okay to leave when he hurts you. You don’t have to keep falling into him.
8. When he tells you that you’re beautiful, try to remember that you were beautiful before him too.
9. Just because he reads and smokes cigarettes and talks about the stars doesn’t mean he’s your soulmate.
10. After you kiss him, remember to wash your mouth out right away so he doesn’t burn into your tongue.
11. He’ll kiss you in the rain and take you to little coffee shops. He’ll brush your hair out of your eyes and kiss your nose. He’ll grab your waist and whisper in your ear but six months later you’ll find yourself drunk texting him that you miss him and he won’t respond.
12. Your heart is going to break a million times. It’s going to feel like the world is falling apart around you. Your lungs will stop working some nights. You find yourself grabbing at your bones trying to hold yourself together. You’re going to feel like you’re dying. It’s going to be okay. You’ll find someone else to kiss you goodnight."
the ol’ razzle dazzle
IT’s BEEN liKE A MONTHS IM StiL:L LA UGHING at THis FucKIgn Cat IMklefsfd
if its been 5 years and you’re still not over donna clap your hands
"do you wanna build a snowman??"
"i am a grown ass man."
"WHAT TEAM?!” I shout out the window into the night.
Somewhere, hundreds of miles away, Zac Efron wakes from a restless sleep, sitting bolt upright “WILDCATS”
GOD DAMN IT IT’S BEEN A YEAR WHO THE FUCK BROUGHT IT BACK.
I SWEAR TO GOD THE SWIGGITY SWAG WHERE IS OUR DAD POST IS AND WILL FOREVER BE MY GREATEST REGRET I WILL SLAUGHTER ALL OF YOU WHICH ONE OF YOU SHITBRUSHES BROUGHT IT BACK